Not So Social Media

[!NOTE] This is one of those posts where I talk my way through my thoughts, I think by the end I seem to change my mind a bit. Stick with me and know I am always open to new perspectives and I am willing to change my mind.

I’ll be honest I’ve not been a big fan of social media since leaving high school. I found it was just full of references back to my time at school and being a teenager, which has some discomfort and pain attached to it. So I quickly moved on, I used the messaging platforms, but that was about it. I was luck to have a close knit group of friends and we ‘socailised’ on PlayStation and on Discord (when it became a thing). I’ve just never been that interested in either sharing what’s going on in my life and what’s going on in other peoples lives. Now don’t get me wrong I’m interested in opinions and peoples thoughts. I love YouTube for this, and I enjoy watching people do things (hiking, building, crafting, coding videos), but I tend to lean more toward the style of this content that is aesthetic and well produced (or at least well thought out).

Just briefly I would like to address how the above statement may make me sound. I think not being on social media and saying things like ‘I’m not interested in what others are doing’ makes you sound a bit cold and withdrawn. But I would assure you that this is not the case…or at least I hope its not. I use WhatsApp, Discord and Email to communicate. I often reach out to friends and family and enjoy a fairly healthy social life (as much as a father of 2 and a computer nerd can :D). I have always just been of the opinion that we need to stay connected to those around us, whether that is in real world proximity or those you interact with on a daily basis in some other way. What I’m not a fan of is following a whole bunch of people you don’t really know, or used to know a long time ago, or celebrities who make no real contribution or inject no real value to your life (and potentially just make you feel worse about your own life).

On the other hand, I totally understand that for some people (my wife included), social media is the way they connect with the people they care about and that’s great. I just prefer the one to few type of interactions rather than one to many or the much more overwhelming many to one of the ‘feed’.

Anyway, I’m thinking more about social media and technology use now that my kids are growing up.

I had recently read Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation and found myself positively petrified about the prospect of managing and guiding my kids into their teens with social media etc. And if anything was thinking just a blanket ban would be the simplest approach. But as with everything its so much more nuanced and simply saying no is never going to work.

Peer pressure and prevelance and what you could maybe call the network effect of smartphoens and social media is too great to simply ban it. You run the risk of ostracising your child and create a resentment between you and them.

As such, I had come to a point of wanting to make sure they were proficient in the use of desktop/laptops under my guidance so I can know they understand the dangers and the great joys that computers and the internet can bring. One of these being the amazing social, communicative and creative aspects the interenet affords us. I want them to see their is so much more than the walled gardens and echo chambers of the social media platforms, see the dangerouse parts and know how to avoid them or at least who to manage or defend against them. I think teaching them to live as responsible and contributing memebers of the internet is a way better approach then just focusing on the one potential bad things and trying to avoid it (social media). I love the internet and the many amazing things (and people) it has to offer, and I want them to love it too. But I also want them to love their friends, to love their family, to love the ‘real’ world and to know that its there that things really happen and where their life will truly be lived.

I came across an article by Taylor Lorenz (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/mar/02/ban-children-social-media-biometic-data-surveilled) and I was really impressed. Taylor gave a slightly more nuanced take on the social media bans that are looming in our nation. Taylor pointed out that the there may be more dangerous, damaging and freedom erdoing effects of such bans. Young people’s freedom and right to explore, socialise and create (or simply their voice) is being taken away or at least eroded slowly. Young people need to be able to speak up, to be heard and to be seen. And for some (I think this was me as a young person) this could only really happen in a digital world where our true selfs can be allowed out in a safer environment that is (or hasn’t) been afforded to those not so confident (or you might say introverted).

But more interesting Taylor goes on to talk about the potential erosion of the freedom of the internet itself, along with the encroaching of governments and tech/surveillance companies into the free internet. We already have the vast majority of our data avaialbel online in some way or another thanks to social media, but age verification checks bring that a step further with identitiy and biometrics.

All the while this is all focused on the end user, the internet citizen, rather than focused on those who essentially dominant the internet/social media landscape. Those companies who got us to where we are, a data havesting, ad generating, enshitifying, creativity and freedom deteriorating internet.

If only we would focus on their (aggresive and militant) business practices, their (addictive) designs and their insatiable appetite to capture and keep people in their grasp and to smother out any potential competitor. If we look at them and put some legislation around their practice similar to other industries then we might be able to make an internet where the best bits of these apps (their social and networking benefits among others) could be kept and the negatives could be managed or restricted.

the problem I have is even this sounds like too much control and I don’t like that either. I find myself very torn on this subject and I think I still have a lot of research, thinking and searching to do before I’m any closer to truly having a solid position on all of this.

Anyway in the meantime, I’m going to enjoy my kids phone and social media free for as long as possible. And who knows when they get to that age maybe we won’t even have this problem anymore, or AI will have beconme our overlords and we’ll have a lot more to be worrying about.

We’ll see. Take care, speak soon.